It’s completely normal to feel a bit uneasy when faced with major—or even minor—changes in our lives. But it goes beyond simply the fear of the unknown: By the time most people reach adulthood, they’ve likely experienced at least one change that resulted in things getting worse, not better.
For example, you may have left one job because of a toxic manager or workplace, only to find out that your new boss is even more evil than your last. After an experience like that, you might be especially resistant to change, out of fear that it could make things harder for you yet again.
Although changes—and the uncertainty that comes with them—are often unavoidable, we can control how we respond to and accept them. Here are three questions to ask yourself that could help with that.
How to overcome rigidity when faced with change
As a senior advisor in the Obama White House, Maya Shankar, PhD, a cognitive neuroscientist, founded and chaired the White House Behavioral Science Team—the goal of which was to “help people who want to take a given step but may face some barriers,” she told the New York Times in 2015. She also discusses the challenges of change on her podcast, “A Slight Change of Plans.”
In a recent TED Talk, Shankar recommended asking yourself these three questions when you’re feeling particularly change-averse:
- How might this change improve what you’re capable of?
- How might this change modify what you value?
- How might this change reshape how you define yourself?
It’s not about ignoring negative outcomes, or pretending that everything is fine, even when it’s not. Instead, the goal of Shankar’s exercise is to encourage us to “stay open to how we might internally change” and think about how adapting to the situation and uncertainty might end up benefitting us in the long run.