Moaning about the cost of accommodation on Rottnest Island is part of Perth culture.
New arrivals aren’t granted Sandgroper status until they have discussed how they could fly to Bali for the cost of a two bedroom shack on “Rotto” with a poky shower, no dishwasher and couches designed to accommodate nobody over five feet tall.
Less discussed is the cost of eating and drinking on Wadjemup, which can be prohibitive, if delicious.
When it comes to food and drinks, is Rottnest a bargain or a rort? Consider the evidence. . .
BREAKFAST
The best breakfast at Rottnest is at Geordie’s Café & Art Gallery, where you can get a good plate of pancakes or smashed avocado for about $25. That compares reasonably to other beachside restaurants in Perth, like Leighton’s Bib & Tucker, where the very good banana pancakes with double cream are $24, or Hampton’s in City Beach, where $23.50 buys you a perfectly OK avocado bruschetta.
Unfortunately, if you’re travelling with children the Rottnest breakfast they want is the buffet at Pinky’s — free for those using the Discovery Resorts glamping accommodation but a hefty $40 ($20 for kids) for those who are not.
The buffet itself is just fine: acceptable eggs, bacon, fruit and sides; decent pastries; a pair of hot drink machines that attract a near-perpetual line. Less fine is the need to spend the entire meal fighting off seagulls — literally — if you sit outside.
Paying $120 for a family of four to have an only OK breakfast, with a side order of trauma when your kid’s meal get shivved off her plate for the second time in ten minutes, is neither good value nor the holiday vibe most visitors are seeking.
SWEET TREATS
Where but the Rottnest Bakery can you pay more than $6 for a doughnut? A few places, actually, including Perth’s Mary Street Bakery, where a lemon meringue doughnut the size of a babies head will set you back $6.50.
That’s the same price you’ll pay for a bog-standard jam and cream doughnut on Rottnest. It’s less flashy than the Mary Street equivalent and if your baby’s head resembles this cylindrical doughnut, please seek professional help. It’s also delicious, albeit comparable to other good bakeries in Perth and regional WA.
The same could be said for the Simmo’s ice-creamery, where kid’s cones start from $5, a single cone is $6.50 and a double scoop won’t get much change from $10 ($9.50). By comparison a single scoop at Perth’s Gelare costs $5.90 or $8.40 for a double scoop cone.
COFFEE
The best coffee on Rottnest is from The Lane Café, where prices start from $4.50.
It’s decent enough coffee if you grade on a holiday curve but the real boon is that it’s open until 4pm. That puts it ahead of Perth, where getting a coffee after 2.30pm is about as easy as, well, finding Rottnest accommodation for the summer holidays.
GROCERIES
Whether buying groceries at the Rottnest General Store empties your wallet or not depends a lot on what you’re buying.
Pantry good are competitive with major Perth supermarkets: $4.01 for a 375g box of Weet-Bix v $3.50 at Coles; $4.57 for a 150g jar of Vegemite v $4 and $6.28 for a bag of Red Rock Deli honey soy chicken crisps v $6.30.
Fresh food and meat is where it hurts: $8.38 per kg for bananas compared to $4.90/kg at Coles; $10.48/kg for pink lady apples v $6.50/kg; $12.58 for half a kilo of Caves Road beef sausages v $8 at Coles.
If you can spare the esky space, the stingy option is lugging your fresh food over from the mainland.
LUNCH AND DINNERS
If you want to do Rottnest on the cheap, the simplest meal option is a loaf of excellent bread from the bakery, a tub of butter and your filling of choice. Nobody should ever complain about a fresh, ideally white bread, sandwich.
If you want to eat out — and you should — there are options.
The $36 Thai green barramundi curry at Geordie’s Cafe can’t be described as cheap but it is excellent. By comparison a Thai green barramundi curry at totally Thai in Carlisle, a nice restaurant noticeably lacking in ocean proximity, is $28.90.
Hotel Rottnest does a good line in pizzas ($26-$28), burgers ($26-$28) and hot chips ($11) and the mushroom pizza is particularly good, as are the $45 margarita jugs. Drink the latter fast enough and you will forget how much you paid for it.
It is also impossible to argue with the view from the pub. Forget about inner-city pubs with the playgrounds designed to lure in young families: at the Rottnest pub the beach is right there to entertain the kids while parents drink away their private school fund.
Frankie’s on Rotto lacks the pub’s spectacular view but also does some decent pizzas, including takeaway, for $22-$28.
As a price comparison, pizzas at the always-reliable Chelsea Pizza in Nedlands back on the mainland start at $21.50.
We come now to the phenomenon known as a “cray dog”, yours for $24 at The Lane Cafe. Yes, this bread roll filled with marinated crayfish and chipotle mayonnaise is hard to justify as a daily treat but fans speak of it in hushed tones and there is no doubting the excellent and fresh ingredients.
Price-wise it holds up fairly well to Perth equivalents, like the $22 lobster roll from The Lobster Pier or Gage Roads’ $24 version in Fremantle.
THE VERDICT
Looked at dispassionately, keeping yourself well fed and hydrated on Rottnest is not cheap. Would you be paying $24 for a roll if you had flown to Bali instead? Probably not.
But any criticism about the expense comes with this disclaimer: you are on Rottnest, a genuine island paradise.
What price can you put on eating a doughnut with sandy hands and wet bathers at The Basin? Or scarfing a cray dog in four bites after a bike ride to West End? Even a humble parmi and pint just tastes better when you are watching the sun set into Thomson Bay, knowing you have absolutely nothing to do the next day except decide where to go for breakfast.