ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — This is the wrong time and the wrong place for poor Tyrod Taylor to play quarterback in place of Daniel Jones.
With the wrong team.
This is the wrong time and the wrong place for Brian Daboll to return to his old stomping grounds for a happy homecoming.
With the wrong team.
Daboll lifted the 2022 Giants from rock bottom as the rookie Coach of the Year.
For the New York Football Giants, this has all the makings of a new rock bottom on Sunday night against the Bills.
Low mark at Highmark Stadium.
Poor Taylor will basically be the sacrificial lamb being thrown to the wolves, with Jones keeping his painful neck out of harm’s way. The only victory any rational mind can hope for is Taylor ending the night in one piece, so backup Tommy DeVito can stay out of harm’s way.
What was it Bill Parcells used to say? You are what your offensive line says you are?
In which case, the bewitched, bothered, bewildered and battered Giants (1-4) are helpless, and arguably without hope.
Daboll cannot summon Chris Snee or Rich Seubert to play guard, or David Diehl or Kareem McKenzie to play offensive tackle, or Shaun O’Hara to play center. Where have you gone, Ereck Flowers?
Poor Taylor will be stuck running for his life and trying desperately to get the ball out of his hand behind a patchwork, makeshift offensive line from hell.
Which makes the Giants the closest thing to the Washington Generals flailing away against the Harlem Globetrotters.
What was it Parcells used to tell us? There are no medals for trying?
On Sunday night, Tyrod Taylor should be awarded a medal for trying.
What was it Abbott and Costello used to tell us? Who is at left tackle, What is at center, I Don’t Know is at guard? That about sums up the identities of poor Tyrod Taylor’s bodyguards.
The Super Bowl XLII Giants talked about shocking the world when they were 12.5-point underdogs against the perfect Patriots of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick.
The Tyrod Taylor Giants are 14.5-point underdogs. Joe Namath was a bigger underdog in Super Bowl III, but there is no way he would have guaranteed a victory if he were quarterbacking the 2023 Giants on Sunday.
John Mara has always sworn against tanking, so there is no chance he would vote in favor of a forfeit.
So the message here to Taylor: Duck.
The message here to Giants fans: Vodka.
Saquon Barkley (high ankle sprain) is questionable and hopes to return, which should tell you everything about what a competitor he is. Or a masochist.
At least right tackle Evan Neal, who is questionable with an ankle injury, won’t have to listen to any boo-birds since the Bills Mafia will be roaring their approval.
The law of averages suggests Josh Allen, in the midst of his sixth season, is due for his first pick-six, right? That might help. Are you listening, Wink Martindale?
Beyond Dexter Lawrence collapsing the pocket at every turn or Kayvon Thibodeaux somehow showing up as Lawrence Taylor Lite, poor Daboll will have to somehow devise the mother of all game plans to make chicken salad out of … well, at least Bills cornerback Tre’Davious White and linebacker Matt Milano are down and out.
Poor Taylor happens to be the best backup quarterback the Giants have fielded in a long time, for what it’s worth.
“He’s a true vet,” Barkley said. “Does it the right way. Work ethic’s amazing, the way he takes care of his body. I try to model my wake-up routine after what he foes. It’s amazing, to be at the age he’s at and continue to have that process and continue to have that routine. Hat’s off to him.”
Poor Taylor, 34, is a 13-year vet and was once hailed as the Bills’ quarterback of the future.
“He’s a great leader, he’s a vet, he’s been playing for a very long time, and he’s gonna be just fine,” Matt Breida said. “I think everyone’s got a lot of confidence in him, he’s gonna do great.”
No one is likening poor Taylor to Michael Vick, but he can use his legs to escape the pocket, thankfully.
“He’s seen a lot of things, like he’s been through the league so many times, what’s happening right now is probably not his first rodeo facing adversity just with the injuries that we have,” said injured left tackle Andrew Thomas. “But he’s always locked in. He always prepares as he’s playing, and I think he’s gonna do a good job for us.”
Teams in every sport have used the old “Nobody believes in us but us” rallying cry. Good for the poor Giants if they believe they have a chance to redeem themselves for their previous prime-time crimes. Because nobody else does.
Nightmare on Overwhelm Street.