When I told the doctor on central London’s Harley Street that I didn’t want my husband to recognize me when it came to peeling back my veil, I was clearly making a joke. But standing in the queue the next day, those words came back to haunt me. Desperately, I began to question why I’d been getting all these tweakments done in the first place. To look prettier? Because that’s what other people do? I had just wanted to look like myself on my wedding day–myself, but, you know, better–but at what point does bettering oneself actually end up negating the self altogether? In a world obsessed with perfection, are we starting to lose sight of ourselves?
“Perception drift” is a term used to describe the shift in your self-perception as you undergo new procedures and start to lose control over your image. “The more procedures you get, the more difficult it can be to remember what you looked like in the very beginning,” explains Dr Olivia Remes, a researcher at the University of Cambridge, life coach and author of This Is How You Grow After Trauma. “Also, with each perceived ‘flaw’ that you’re fixing, you may realize that something else needs fixing, trapping you in a vicious cycle that can be hard to get out of.” This is something Dr Maryam Zamani, oculoplastic surgeon, facial aesthetics doctor and founder of MZ Skin, has noticed in a growing number of her patients, so much so that she’s had to start turning some away. “My practice is built on the ethos that less is more. However, there are always patients who want more, but I will not treat someone if I do not think they want realistic outcomes.”
The problem here isn’t just with fillers, but with the edited way we present ourselves online. When it comes to having my photograph taken, I know my angle (three-quarters), I know my light (direct) and I know my pose (pert pout and lobotomised stare). I’m so used to seeing a very specific image of myself that when someone catches me off-guard I find it increasingly jarring. It’s the same when you see yourself reflected back on Zoom, when those nagging background voices start to gnaw away at you. “Do I really look like that?” And, more disturbingly, “What can I do to fix it?”