The Demure Guide to Travel

With brat summer in full effect, the girlies in (lime) green have been running amok around the globe and embracing chaos wherever it finds them. But if everyone treated the whole world like a Soho nightclub, we’d all reek of tequila and never get anywhere. Whether we like it or not, some settings — like air travel, for instance — call for a slightly different, slightly more mindful approach.

Enter demure fall: a soft landing for brat summer once she’s ready to trade her going-out top for a sensible high-neck tee. As we soar past peak summer travel and into the autumn shoulder season, there are lots of reasons to bring our most demure selves with us through an airport and onto a plane. Save the brat-itude for the club: Polite, thoughtful, sweet-smelling travelers make everyone’s vacations better. As demure diva Jools Lebron would say, “Very considerate.”

Whether you’re headed on a “hatchelorette” or you’re “quiet vacationing,” catching a flight has its ups and downs. On the one hand, seeking out a new destination is always an adventure. On the other, there’s nowhere more annoying to be confronted with the less-than-mindful than in the cramped quarters of a plane. Anyone who’s ever flown on a commercial airline has stories of fellow passengers who missed the demurity memo — and the whole plane suffered for it.

When cruising the skies, respect, courtesy, and kindness go a long way. On a scale of Not Mindful to Very Demure, here’s where some of the most common air travel behaviors fall — plus some tips to help you breeze through your travel day with ease. Very demure.

Missing your flight because you forgot to renew TSA PreCheck: Not mindful.

Walking barefoot on the gross airport carpet? Not very demure. PreCheck is the key to a quick and cutesy TSA experience — leave your shoes on, laptop and liquids in your bag, and glide on through. It expires every five years, though, so make sure that you are renewing well in advance of your trip to avoid a surprise line that could set you back over 30 minutes. Also consider other line hacks, like a Clear membership, to get you through in a squeeze.

Listening to music or watching a show without headphones on: Not respectful.

Demure girls are always sure to pack their favorite pair of headphones, plus a backup just in case. Wireless headphones are very demure, just make sure they’re fully charged before you leave the airport and that they’re properly connected to your devices — otherwise you run the risk of subjecting everyone within a three-row radius to the whining on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

Putting your small purse in the overhead area: Not cutesy.

Overhead bin space is almost as precious a resource as Delta’s complimentary Biscoff cookies. Your little personal bags belong at your feet, diva, as do your coats and anything else that fits under there.

Ignoring flight attendants while they explain safety measures: Not classy.

At least pretend to be listening and give them some eye contact. Throw in an unassuming little smile every once in a while for good measure — even if you’re busy planning out your drink order in your head.

Manspreading: Very masculine (not demure).

Whether you’re the one spreading or being spread upon, there’s no literal or figurative room for this behavior on an airplane. Be conscious of the amount of space you and your stuff are taking up, and feel free to defend your personal space against those who encroach upon it. Bonus to keep the peace: Adding a “please” is always a sweet, demure touch when telling your seatmate to move their crap.

Eating boiled eggs on the plane: Doing too much.

While some people are more sensitive to certain smells than others, it’s always smart to limit foods with distinct scents while traveling in tight spaces. A boiled egg runs the risk of nauseating your seatmate. Swap it for another high-protein snack like a cheese stick or a bag of cashews, perfect for dainty nibbling.

Bare feet up on the seat: Not modest.

It may be more respectable to somewhat disrobe on a long-haul flight, but at least keep your socks on. And never put your feet in a stranger’s face.

Saving your seatmate a treat when they fall asleep during snack service: Very sweetsy.

Demure girls are sleepy girls! But we’re also hungry. If you notice your seatmate is out cold during snack service, the demurestesy thing to do is to take a second snack and offer it to them when they regain consciousness.

Saying “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me” to your flight attendants and fellow passengers: Very demure.

This one extends to your everyday life, not just the travel days. Demure divas use basic manners at all times because there’s nothing cuter than lifting each other up.

Emma Glassman-Hughes is the associate editor at PS Balance. Before joining PS, her freelance and staff reporting roles spanned the lifestyle spectrum; she covered arts and culture for The Boston Globe, sex and relationships for Cosmopolitan, travel for Here Magazine, and food, climate, and agriculture for Ambrook Research.