Bonita and Dex Pelley stand in Bridie Molloy’s, a lively pub in downtown St. John’s, wearing a wedding dress and a suit. These are the same outfits they wore 24 years ago, the first time they said, “I do.”
Now they’re doing it all again, but this time, with a change of heart.
“He proposed to me before the transplant and he said, ‘If I get through this, marry me again,'” Bonita Pelley told CBC News at the ceremony. “And here we are, and this is 24 years later and we are so grateful.”
Surrounded by friends and family, the couple are celebrating not just a long and happy marriage, but a recent heart transplant that saved Dex’s life.
A genetic disease called ARVC, or arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy, runs in Dex’s family.
His mother and sister both passed away due to the condition, and his brother and another sister have been diagnosed as well.
“I guess there are a lot of people out there who don’t realize they have a genetic problem,” Dex said. “I was fortunate that they found it 10 years before I had any symptoms and they put a defibrillator in me.
“The first time I had the arrest, I didn’t even know I had it.”
Dex explains that his symptoms started small; the first time he had a cardiac arrest, he didn’t know what exactly had happened until he got a call from the hospital three days later.
“Basicially, it’s the gene, tells the heart to stop,” Dex said.
A few weeks after the vow renewal, he and Bonita sit down in their living room with CBC News to tell their full story. A fireplace crackles near them in their new home that’s decked out in Christmas decorations.
It’s been a year since Dex got his new heart, a journey that was many years in the making.
Now, the Pelleys find reasons to celebrate every day.
A long journey
“This Christmas is like, wow, I feel like I’m a little 10-year-old again,” said Bonita, as she holds Dex’s hand. “Just, you know, to have our Christmas again.”
She tears up, recalling what the two have been through to get to this point.
“At first we didn’t even know if he’d even make it on the list,” said Bonita, referring to the wait list for heart transplant eligibility. “I remember fighting tooth and nail.”
When Dex was accepted into the Ottawa Heart Institute, the two didn’t know they were in a for a long wait, as finding a match for an organ donor isn’t a simple process.
Not only does the organ need to be available, but many biological similarities need to be present between the organ donor and the person receiving the donation.
Dex Pelley told his wife, Bonita, that if he ever got a new heart, he wanted to marry her again. Now, a year after his transplant, the couple have tied the knot for the second time.
Bonita explains that, for example, a woman cannot donate a heart to a man, and the person donating needs to be of similar height and weight to the person who will be receiving the heart.
Because of factors like these, the two waited over six months.
Eventually, doctors told them they may need to prepare for the worst.
“After waiting months … all the doctors came in and they said ‘you don’t have months to wait anymore, you only have weeks,'” said Bonita.
“It depleted us. It devastated us,” she said, her voice wavering as she remembers that time.
“Every day you’re up there and you’re praying we’re going to get a donor. Every time I heard the helicopter coming, I’m thinking that’s going to be a heart, and you know, you just keep hanging in there.”
Symbols of hope
One of the common themes the Pelleys raise during conversation is faith.
Bonita speaks about her own beliefs getting her through the toughest moments, when it seemed like all hope was lost.
Applying this concept of faith is a little newer for Dex than it is Bonita, but both are eager to talk about a particular visitor at the heart institute that brightened their spirits.
“I’ve never been a religious person, but I can tell you at that time when that magnificent thing perched outside, and grabbed onto the parapet, and looked at me, all the pressure I had inside me, all this fear, all the everything just went,” said Dex.
The visitor he describes is an eagle that landed on his window sill at the hospital in Ottawa.
“Huge, majestic eagle,” Bonita said. “Dex said it looked him straight in the eyes, and for some reason it gave him hope. It was like a message.”
Two days later, the Pelleys got the call that there was finally a donor match for Dex.
Donor’s impact
“The whole experience gave me a totally, totally different outlook on a lot of things, the transplant system,” said Dex, describing his gratitude toward the person who opted to donate their heart.
“I’m not sure who it is yet. Hopefully one of these days I’ll find out.”
One year after the transplant, the Pelleys are allowed to contact the family of the donor to thank them.
“They need time to grieve their loss,” said Bonita.
The Pelleys recognize that their miracle could only happen as a result of another family’s tragedy.
“He gave me life in so many different ways,” Dex said.
“And not only that they gave him life, but they gave my husband back, you know,” Bonita adds.
Significance of vow renewal
On the day of the vow renewal ceremony, their friend, Derek Diamond, emcees the wedding and later sings an original song.
“Even with a change of heart, there was no change of heart,” Diamond sings as the couple smiles.
Bonita recalls during the worst of Dex’s illness she would take it one day at a time, but now they can look toward their future for the first time in years.
“He’s going to try cross-country skiing!” said Bonita, excitedly. “Oh, he has a bucket list now.”
“New heart, new start,” she said, then looks to Dex and smiles. “But he still got the same old wife.”
Both of them laugh.
“Looking forward to our future together,” said Dex, with his arm around Bonita. “Sharing it with everyone we love.”
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