Did filming it trigger any experiences of your own?
I think physically, absolutely. I had physical recall in my muscle memory from when I’ve been attacked like that.
You’ve said before that it’s empowering to create your own roles in the industry when it doesn’t make space for trans actors. Can you tell me a little more about that? How do you hope things might change?
Right now, the industry seems to be afraid of taking risks. I asked my manager, “Are there any trans-specific roles that are in the pipeline coming up in the next few weeks [or] months?” And he said no. The answer is simply no. So that is very sobering and confirms what a lot of us are feeling, which is a lack of opportunity.
We have seen time and time again that trans people onscreen can be superheroes, can be the love interest, can be the villain, can be hilarious and comforting. The entire spectrum of what is possible onscreen is also possible for trans people. So I don’t know what people are afraid of, to be honest.
Was there an empowering element to filming Baby Reindeer?
I felt empowered in pulling off the fight scene… I think I conquered a lot of fears in this performance. There were some some high heights and some deep depths that I had to go to, and I went to all of them—and I couldn’t be more proud of that.
You’ve spoken before about finally owning your own power after running from performing and transitioning. What helped you reach that point?
I have been blessed in my life to have been guided, supported, and simply held in times of great need by incredible women and amazing queer and trans people who gave me the inkling of hope to believe that I could become who I want it to be, even if I didn’t really know that was.
I needed people to tell me that so much, in a world that tells you the opposite as a trans person, as a queer person, as a woman, as a Latina. In a world that tells me that that I should stay small, that that I should say, “Well, this is it, this is enough,” I really, really, really needed people to push me. So it’s really thanks to those educators, healers, and mothers that I am who I am today.