HOW often would you say you are truly happy? If you feel your days are deprived of delight, the good news is you can take action to gain more glee.
In new book The Science Of Happiness, Professor Bruce Hood reveals how we can make simple everyday changes to increase our pleasure ratio and turn our frowns upside down.
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The science of happiness
WE all want to be happier, but our brain often gets in the way.
When we are too stuck in our heads, we obsess over inadequacies, compare ourselves with others and fail to see the good in our lives.
But it’s possible to demonstrate that the key to happiness is not self-care but connection.
By utilising seven simple but life-changing lessons, grounded in decades of studies in neuroscience and developmental psychology, you can break negative thought patterns and reconnect with the things that really matter in life.
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HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Start a journal. Paper is better than digital. Journalling puts things in to perspective.
Alter your ego
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EVEN though we may think we are the centre of the universe, we are not.
If we wish to be happier, we must undergo a radical rethink of our own lives.
Relevant to our happiness is the way we think others think about us.
Who we are is dependant on the opinions of others.
When we are unhappy, we beat ourselves up over our failures and our bad decisions and choices.
But we cannot control all the experiences that influence us.
If we can just step back, we can find a healthier perspective.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Dig out old diaries and letters. They prove that we overcame most previous problems and concerns.
Get out of your own head
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OUR quest to be happier is often thwarted by a brain that makes inaccurate judgments and pays special attention to negative information.
We can reduce this negativity when we connect with others, but we can also do it alone if we take a little time away from being focused inside our own heads.
An awesome or inspiring experience fills you with a sense of wonder that lifts the spirit.
You can get this from literature, drama or music, or by visiting somewhere epic like Niagara Falls. In these moments we are not focused on ourselves.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Join a class or a choir. Singing is a rapid way to feel closer to others. Classes also give a sense of connection.
Avoid isolation
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DESPITE the comforts of technology, we still require company for our emotional wellbeing.
It is the primary source of our happiness, which is why being ignored, excluded or rejected can be so upsetting.
When we are connected to others, we do not feel so isolated or vulnerable.
Talk problems over and get a better sense of perspective with help from friends.
Social media can be a source of unhappiness when we overvalue the opinions of others and base our sense of worth on online popularity.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Take a social media holiday. Try one day and see how you feel.
If you must use it, schedule time so it doesn’t encroach on “real” time with others.
Reject negative comparisons
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HAPPINESS is entirely open to interpretation. How we judge it often depends on what we compare it with.
If you ask people what makes them happy, fame, sex and a perfect body rank highly.
But when we reflect on failure and success, who are we comparing ourselves with?
The more anxious we are, the more likely we are to become isolated
Usually it’s those most like us, but we pick and choose, such as comparing professional success with a colleague but relationships with a pal.
This means you will find someone doing better.
Even top athletes feel inadequate, depending on their comparisons. Nobody’s life is perfect.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Write down three things you are grateful for.
Gratitude forces us to make downward, not upward, comparisons.
Become more optimistic
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TO be motivated by the prospect of becoming happier, we need to imagine better futures.
We wouldn’t marry if we thought we would divorce. Consider how to be happier by becoming more optimistic.
Not only are optimists happier, but they are healthier, better liked and live longer.
It may be challenging to look on the bright side of life, but the good news from the Science Of Happiness is that it is possible to change. You can learn to be more optimistic.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Imagine the best possible future for yourself in five years’ time.
Detach from your current situation and write down what it might be like.
Control your attention
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HUMANS spend time imagining possible futures, and some of us worry about problems that may arise, blowing minor problems out of all proportion.
If you struggle with intrusive negative thoughts, try meditation.
There are different forms but they all involve introspection and mind control.
Mindfulness meditation uses directed attention to focus on the present moment.
You take mindful walks in nature in combination with relaxation and deep breathing.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Find your flow with challenges or hobbies that match your abilities.
Try those that push you a little bit extra, as this is the best way to learn and improve.
Connect with others
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LONELINESS is on the rise, with all the negative consequences this brings for happiness.
Shared experiences amplify our pleasure. Whether it is playing music or sport, or simply playing around, when we do it together it is so much more fun.
The more anxious we are, the more likely we are to become isolated.
One simple way to shift your perspective is to connect with others.
Deliberately focus your attention to those around you and turn the spotlight outwards, not in.
Try active listening. Listening increases trust and engagement.
HAPPINESS EXERCISE: Strike up conversations with strangers. Small talk is best to start with.
- Edited extracts from The Science Of Happiness: Seven Lessons For Living Well, by Prof Bruce Hood (£22, Simon and Schuster).
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